Jul 17, 2002

Kimberly's back, on the eastern shore this time.

I've been reading her blog since I started blogging. This blogging "community" is an unusual sort of place, to say the least. To feel an affinity for someone, to care about their life, worry when they are having problems, feel joy when something wonderful happens. And all about a person who you could walk past on the street and not recognize at all. It's almost like a relationship you might establish with a fictional character, except these people (well, most of them) are very real.

How odd.

Not too long ago, people lived so far apart and communication was so primitive that it was difficult to know even your closest neighbor. Now, you can know so many details about someone who could live only a couple of miles away, who you might see at the local grocer's, or library, or park, and no realize it's them.

Is this a separation of body and soul? To feel like you know someone, put them on your "buddy" list, never having seen them? If you stood next to them in line for a movie, would you be able to tell? Would something "click"? Would there be a sense of deja vu?

I wonder...

Jul 16, 2002

Ah, ha!

I like my coffee. I have little time left for vices (or little opportunity), so drinking coffee is about the only one I can regularly indulge.

Of course, now I can say it's no longer a vice, it's a health regimen. So there.

Jul 7, 2002

In the year I was born:

Kinsey published Sexual Behavior in the Human Female.
Lung cancer was linked to cigarette smoking.
The Soviet Union detonated its first hydrogen bomb.
Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were executed.
The structure of DNA was determined.
The first major motion picture was filmed in wide-screen CinemaScope.
The first issue of TV Guide was published.

There's an interesting question over at Hormonal Bitch about cheating.

I tend to be a black-or-white kind of person in many things, feeling that "grey areas" are often where the excuses and attempts to justify or assuage guilt are found. So I don't see where this kind of thing needs a lot of debate. The bottom line - will what you're contemplating hurt the relationship or help it? Shaving that square peg "just a little bit", or stretching that round hole "just a little bit" is still changing the shape and losing something in the process.

Cheating is, I suppose, whatever you and your partner determine it is. But the essence of cheating is in your own mind - intention is not always revealed by action. Are you honoring your partner and your relationship? Are those "intimate" conversations and "dancing around the edges" going to strengthen your relationship, or damage it? Do you feel the need to hide it from your partner? Would they be hurt if they knew? Are you being honest with yourself about your true intentions?

A simple dinner with an old friend could be only that, or it could be the first step in keeping someone else on the back burner "just in case". Some flirtatious behaviour can be harmless - but when the behaviour causes pain or discomfort to your partner, what is the purpose? You either honor your relationship, or you don't. You are either working to improve your relationship or you're not. "But" is a grey area.

I recently had this issue with someone I work with. She recently made a commitment to a man who is currently overseas (military), so for the time being she has to be content with phone calls, emails and letters. Then she ran into someone she dated a couple of years ago. And she is going out to a movie with him, just friends. Simple action. Or is it? Will she tell this person about her commitment? Will she tell her commited other about the event? The fact that she hesitates on either answer reveals an intention she is not facing.

Be honest with yourself, or you're cheating both of you. Be truthful about what you need and want. Be realistic about what you can give. You know when you're stepping on that line or you wouldn't be asking the question. You can whitewash your actions, but you know damn well what your intentions are, whether you're willing to face them or not.

Jul 2, 2002

My town puts on a week long celebration during the week of the 4th of July. There's a parade on the 4th, and a carnival every evening that week and all day on the 4th. Fireworks and bands, carnies and crafts, it's a nice time to get out and see some of the people who share this town. Since I'm involved with the local business association, I also work a booth and get a chance to connect with other business people and townspeople "out of their element", so to speak - strolling the midway with their families and riding the merry-go-round with the kids.

You also get to witness the parade of local teens in various stages of dress (or lack of, in too many cases.) The most striking thing is realizing that for years, the comfort level of costume for boys has always been high - baggy pants, shirtless in the heat, comfortable shoes. But for girls? Tight, just this side of revealing too much, strappy shoes, tettering high heels. Pinching here, riding up there. Walking the midway is like strutting the catwalk for future porn queens.

I've informed my daughter that if I ever catch her dressing like that, I'll kill 'er.