Nov 28, 2004

What is it with parents?

Don't want your kid to do drugs? Don't do drugs. Don't want them to smoke? Don't smoke. Worried about sex? Don't be parading your latest "friend" who you've known for less than a week in and out of your bedroom. Don't want your kid shot-gunning the booze every weekend? Don't spend your Friday nights getting wasted yourself.

"Do as I say, not as I do" doesn't work. Kids spot the hypocracy. You didn't raise them to be stupid, did you?

You want to continue your carefree, party-centered life? Don't have kids. Keep it zipped. Act responsibly.

You're the adult, remember? You came first. You will always set the example. For better or worse.

Nov 27, 2004

Waiting the long wait for the pip to get her room cleaned. It's already past the hour the banks close, so there will be no cash for the hoagie she wants to eat today, unless she's got the cash to buy it. 6.5 hours and counting since she got up and started the job. What the hell's she got in there?

Nov 25, 2004

Happy Thanksgiving. I'm down with the first of the season's colds. But that means a quiet day with no overstuffing, so there is a silver lining.

Nov 20, 2004

I so admire those that can blog every day and still make their life seem so interesting.

It's a rainy day, the kind of day that I love to spend in a bookstore. But we were at a benefit last night and my usual "pass out around 9 wake up at 11" routine was interrupted. So today has been a dragging my feet day, a do a chore, nap, do a chore, nap, kind of day. Did manage to perk up enough to run out for pizza and movies, so I'm off to watch Stepford Wives, Raising Helen and another one word movie with Ashley Judd I can't remember the name off. Oh yeah, Twisted.

Nov 13, 2004

Another sunny but windy and cold Saturday. Housework to do, but I'm sick of the damn broken vacuum cleaner. Maybe I'll just go buy one, but it's nice to have some money in the bank for a change, and there are other things that need to be paid. Deciding what and when is a constant juggling act, and I never was all that coordinated.

Nov 8, 2004

"Kerry won. Here's the facts."

Now, why am I not surprised? It would be nice, with all the damn phone calls I got about getting out to vote, if those votes would actually be counted. I don't care who it's for - if you vote, your vote should count.

Nov 7, 2004

How to give the cat a pill

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to give the dog a pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

Nov 6, 2004

Fear Trumps Reason: "This generation of young people must bear the brunt of whatever comes now, whether it be the draft which seems to be inevitable, the financial burden of a ballooning deficit, or the struggle for survival in a degraded environment. "

And next time, instead of just registering to vote, they might actually go out and do it.

Don't Mourn, Organize: "Think about how you can lend a hand to the amazing myriad efforts that will promptly break out to help the country recover from what it has done to itself. Now is the time. Don't mourn, organize."