May 20, 2002

From the If Project... If family or friends had issues with the one you are romantically involved with, would you listen? How much influence would you allow others to have on your relationship?

There was a time when my thoughts would have been "No way!" "Who knows better than me?" and "You don't know him like I do." Now? That's crap.

Passion blinds you. No matter how rationale and intelligent you are, it smacks you stupid. The smart ones know this, and wait for it to pass before committing themselves. The rest of us are walking into walls and calling it love.

Your parents have seen you go through changes from birth to puberty to adulthood. Your mother remembers your undying love for the rock-star-of-the-moment. The piano lessons. Tap lessons. Swimming. When you wanted to grow up to be a ballerina.

Your friends have seen you sober, drunk, stupid, witty, and scared, and stuck thru all of it. They've seen you thru short hair, long hair, the purple fiasco, and every diet known to man.

All that information amounts to something. These people have the goods on you.

Maybe it's because I'm well past 20-something. I believed then that if I didn't already have all the answers, I had a better interpretation of the questions. When I believed that the people who raised me had no idea who I really was. And they didn't know this person like I did, so how could they judge?

Well, I'm older now. And a Mom. I can smell Eau de Jerk from a thousand feet. You can change the package, but there are basic, universal truths. Baby, I got radar. It's a post-partum gift. As long as it's someone after her.

Me, that's a different story. Now, I listen to the people who know things about me even I have forgotten, or won't readily admit.

If your friends don't like him, your family can't stand him, your neighbors don't trust him, and the people you work with are wondering if your judgment really is that poor, and should they start locking the safe?... do you need to be hit by a 2x4? After all, they like you. Their judgment can't be all bad.

Take it all with the proverbial grain of salt, but take it. Your parents will always think no one is good enough. They have their own issues, many of them dealing with nursing homes. Your friends also have their own agendas, mainly, can you still come out to play and what if you make them repay all those loans? But if their overwhelming consensus is negative, and for some pretty solid reasons, you'd be an idiot not to listen. If this person truly loved you, why would he want you to be separated from the people who have loved you, and loved you longer? Bottom line - no way.

This I know for sure. Just ask me about my ex...

blog comments powered by Disqus