Dec 24, 2003

While reading thru my favorite blogs, I noticed that Melly is having some trouble with the diet. Here's one someone sent me a long time ago that I think her little guy can help her with:

DAY ONE:

Breakfast

One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch

Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner

A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel.

Bedtime Snack

Toast piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO:

Breakfast

Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch

Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of dog chow (any flavor).
One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack

Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner

A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour iced tea over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.

DAY THREE:

Breakfast

Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk: drink half, stuff pancakes in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair.

Lunch

Three matches, peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner

Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips.

FINAL DAY:

Breakfast

A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add a half-cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch

Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner

A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

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