As unkymoods shows, I'm feeling very happy right now. Some comments from newly-admired blogs (like I don't have enough to read?) and as a bonus something nice is on its way from another favorite blogger.

So when I start bitchin' that I can't get anything done, somebody slap me.

"Shortly after the attack Monday, Gov. Bill Richardson released a statement saying he would propose legislation next year aimed at holding owners of dangerous dogs accountable for their pets."


Hardly necessary. I think when this gets out pit bulls won't be quite so popular anymore...

I mean, um, how much more accountable can you be?

Wow. This is amazing. Ingenuity at its best. Again, wow.

Out and about for errands so we stopped at Wendy's for dinner. There must have been some kind of district manager there or something - as we pulled up to the drive-in, I heard him stress "2 seconds per customer" to the servers at the window. 2 seconds! WTF?

I told the poor guy and girl that after watching them race like that, I felt too stressed to eat the damn stuff.

Sitting in a long line can be annoying. But sitting in a long line and then finding out, too late, that they didn't get your damn order right because they were trying to set the land speed record would send me off the planet. How about the value of a genuine smile or a hello? How about feeling that the person took at least enough time to be sure you got what you ordered? Oh, and how about an "efficiency expert" without the huge gut that makes you think he's been eating too much fast food and maybe you should rethink this.

Well, Mr. Wendy Man, your service may be fast, but I don't think I'll be too quick to go back. Maybe you should channel Dave and ask him where the old-fashioned friendly atmosphere went. And while you're at it, work on those damn fries. They are dry as hell.

Discovered some more new blogs, and more guilt. Ellie has two sites: http://pinkadelic.typepad.com/pink/ and http://pinkadelic.typepad.com/body/ and is a writer. Ronnie http://www.timegoesby.net/weblog/ has led an exciting life in radio/tv land.

Both women are so inspiring I'm almost hoping they aren't real.

And then there's the links. I could spend all nite following, like some kind of yellow brick road. No wonder I don't get a damn thing done anymore.

My Unconscious Mutterings:

GAME BOY - mush. This is what your brain turns to when you can't pull yourself away.

Biopsy - fight. Had one. It was not good. It so just did not fit into my life at that point. So I did the only thing I could. But every now and then I feel like I'm here on a green card.

Attack - of the 50 ft woman. I don't know why this one popped into my head. I can visualize the old movie poster. I can also see the intro to that sitcom that Brooke Shields was in many years ago, the one where she was stepping over those buildings? Oh, yeah, ok. You were watching that highbrow stuff. Right.

Convention - Legionnaires. My other choice was smarmy. I guess you can see I haven't been to many I particularly enjoyed.

Jewels - fake. Or flashy. Jewelry is nice. Jewels are tacky. I just imagine a rotund matron waving a diamond encrusted gloved hand and acting like a pompous ass. Hmmmm.

Genetics - testing. And that's all I say on that subject. At least for now.

Impostor - This one just drews a complete blank. Really. I don't know why. I just visualize someone in a trenchcoat. Ok, that's it. Trenchcoat.

Doug - Cosby. I'm think of that actor that played Griffin - Doug E. Doug? Was that it? I wanted him to rent a room in my house. He was hilarious.

Arbitrary - capricious. These words just seem to always be seen together.

Oscillate - fan. I have an old, old fan like this. From my grandmother. They work well, but man, those things can cut your fingers off if you're not careful.

Weekend Wonderings

1. How much do you value your privacy?

Immensely. I am here, yeah, but it's not all hangin out for everybody to see. There are things that aren't and never will be.

2. Do you respect the privacy of others?

Absolutely.

3. Have you ever looked through something of someone elses knowing that they'd not want you to?

Of course. I'm a Mom. It's part of the job!

"Bailey's defense was that he was acting as a minister, not a counselor, when he advised the Faulkners. Ministers cannot be sued for negligence or malpractice under Alabama law, unless they take on the role of a counselor."

So... you're saying that if he wasn't actually counseling, the committing adultery thing would have been ok?

My, my, those pesky little details.

I'm sorry, but this woman is an idiot. I just don't know what else to say. I don't want to weigh in on whether or not he's guilty - I haven't studied this case. But I can only shake my head and wonder if she grew up in a vegetable patch. Did she not realize that Prince Charming was a fairy tale? Has she never heard the "If something seems too good to be true, it probably is" mantra? Did she think she was just so special that this wonderful man had been waiting all his life for her and her alone? What is it? Please. Tell me.

I need to get the antidote for my daughter before it spreads.

Interesting post over at gr8fulted about religious texts and the attitude of absolute adherence. I've long been mystified about the shouting of biblical quotations as a way to prove one's point and one's holiness.

Does it escape notice that this bit of literature was not transcribed as God was sitting there dictating to his secretary? How have we made the disconnect from how the content and meanings of discussions change the more they are repeated? Throw into that mix translation to another language and, well, there you have it. As many twists and turns in meanings as there are snowflakes.

Would you honestly want to stake your life, health, reputation or anything else of value on being able to repeat, without error and shades of inflection a conversation you heard yesterday? I wouldn't stake much on a game of "Whisper Down The Lane", and we're talking a simple phrase. So where on earth do people get the idea that these words, handed down over generations, translated into dozens of languages, told and retold by millions, are the absolute and irrefutable word of God?

I can't even tell you word for word what someone said to me 5 minutes ago. If someone like me was in this gospel chain, the Ten Commandments would resemble Firesign Theatre.

"They took a bridge that was built in 1874 and that was an artifact of our past and destroyed it"

And all six of these idiots should be made to rebuild it. Using the same tools it took to build it in the first place.

Is money, rather than cultural tradition, the real hurdle keeping Italians from independence and making babies?

No, Mama Dearest, it's called enabling...

You cook for them, clean for them, wash for them, shop for them. They are not twelve. They are physically, mentally, and financially able to go out on their own. They are just not emotionally able to do it. And when you finally get the brains to kick them out on their ass, who's going to want them? You can complain all you want that they don't leave. But when you continue to cook for them, clean for them, wash for them, shop for them...

Duh.

They were proud of their son's unusual achievement.

Oh, please.

How hard is this? Here's a young man with a bright future ahead of him. Especially with caring and supportive parents like these. Sheesh.

"They were cheated out of overtime and worked off the clock" - so how are these new "rules" going to help? Are they going to change the behavior of employers who skirt the laws to get the maximum amount of work for the minimum pay? Are they going to help the person who reports this behavior, is legally able to keep their job, and then has to work in an environment still controlled by the very person or persons who had their hand slapped?

Sounds like a fairy tale. Works like a nightmare. When are they going to learn that all the regulation in the world doesn't change people's behavior? Education does. Compassion does. Awareness does. Not cranking out a law that doesn't even address the problem in the first place.

What do women really want?

via Crow Cottage

20 Questions to a Better Personality

Wackiness: 38/100Rationality: 44/100Constructiveness: 62/100Leadership: 56/100

You are an SECL--Sober Emotional Constructive Leader. This makes you a politician. You cut deals, you change minds, you make things happen. You would prefer to be liked than respected, but generally people react to you with both. You are very sensitive to criticism, since your entire business is making people happy.

At times your commitment to the happiness of other people can cut into the happiness of you and your loved ones. This is very demanding on those close to you, who may feel neglected. Slowly, you will learn to set your own agenda--including time to yourself.

You are gregarious, friendly, charming and charismatic. You like animals, sports, and beautiful cars. You wear understated gold jewelry and have secret bad habits, like chewing your fingers and fidgeting.

You are very difficult to dislike.

Well. There's quite a bit there that fits. The happiness bit? Yeah. Secret bad habits? Um, ok.
I do usually end up in some kind of leadership role in every organization I join, mostly (I think) because I'm willing to put in the time and extra effort. I like animals and beautiful cars. The sports? Take it or leave it. I don't like gold jewelery, I prefer handcrafted silver pieces, especially if I know the artist.

But a politician? N-e-v-e-r!

"They get food every day, they don't have to worry about being poached, poisoned and all the things that go on in the wild," said Fahrenbruck.

While I don't want to weigh in on the subject of this article (too damn controversial for concentration this hour of the morning) I do have to say that this statement is the height of the ridiculous. You're talking about putting them in cages so they are safe from the very thing that puts them in cages?

Following that reasoning, it would seem more logical if we were caged.

"Calm down
Weak, transient effect: Tonight is not a good time to discuss any issues that are critical to you, because you will find it difficult to maintain your equilibrium and not fly off the handle."

Oh. Like I, um, just did?

Probably should have read this in the morning...

The governor of New Jersey resigned today. I think he did it with grace and style.

It brings up an age old question - how much of a public figure's private life is our business?

Who on this earth can be shown to have done no wrong in their lifetime? Given that, what indiscretion, poor choices, lies, omissions, and other acts should be laid bare for the public to judge? Is the standard different for political figures than it is for performers? For religious leaders?

Who someone sleeps with may be of interest when talking about someone who is to represent a standard of behavior in everyday life, such as clergy. One should expect such a person to "practice what they preach". But when it comes to political figures, sports figures, actors and the like, is it our business? Since it can already be assumed that such people will have been untruthful at some point in their life - who has not? - is it the lie or the act that's offensive? And if they do not tell the truth to someone who has no right to the information, is it a lie? Or is it a polite way to say "none of your damn business, thank you."

If you run for public office and during your acceptance speech a reporter asks you what underwear you have on, are you obligated to tell them? If you don't tell them the truth, is that a moral offense? If they want to know how many times you slept with your spouse, is it their business? Are we going to make the leap from judging a public figure by the wholesomeness of their union to the number of their "unions"? At what point is it just none of our business?

When we make the leap from what a person does and who they are in the most intimate sense, I think we are setting them up for lies and omissions. We have no right to indulge our purient interests just because we have a captive subject. Does someone being gay make them unfit? No. And if we force them to lie about it, is it their moral fiber that should be in question? Or is it ours?

Stumbled on this blog. This post gave me more than a few laughs, but according to the comments posted, I think he's now lost his ticket on the Rapture Express. And labeled a Democrat, too!

Some people really know how to sling those insults, I'll tell ya...

It's a perfect day, weatherwise. Low humidity, low heat, breezy, sky full of clouds. A day made for enjoyment.

And here I sit, thinking - gotta weed the gardens before the morning glories conquer everything; gotta mow the lawn so I don't have to set the mower so high that I need to do it again two days later, gotta dump the rain barrels and water catch-alls before the mosquitos infest the place. All the joys of being a homeowner. If I won the lottery, first thing I'd do is hire maintenance...

August has started on a fortunate note and the coming school year will be one we can look forward to. Not to go into details (which still infuriate me), let's just say it involves not implementing an IEP (against the law), a ridiculous and unknown zero-tolerance policy (possibly against the law, in this case), and blatant disregard for the laws regarding the right to a proper education. Since I have more than once hinted to the district that it's possible I'll hold them accountable (i.e. sue the bastards), they've reluctantly agreed to a different placement. I say reluctantly, as this was basically to save face. They seem to think I will not pursue this. They're not sure if I've contacted an attorney (I have) but also think I don't have the funds (I do). But, we're out of that school and into private placement in an amazing school that's based on Buddhist principles where the students (after completing what's required by the state) can actually pick their own courses of study. If there's no instructor, they'll find one. Or they'll learn along with the students. What education should be about.

And no, these students don't choose things like "The Impact of Reality TV on Snacking." That's already been reserved for those high-priced college curriculums.

I swore I wouldn't. I really did. But, well....

Seems I've said an awful lot of them.

I have a mixed reaction to this. I mean, shouldn't your family already be pretty familiar with it? And if they're not, isn't it something you should be working on while you're still alive? Instead of paying some lawyer to, um, write it down for you?

I remember when my grandmother passed away - my father's mother. He's actually my step-father, but the only one I've really known, so making that distinction seems wrong, somehow. But his mother was different. There was always that underlying feeling of not being quite what she wanted that my mother and I both felt. So imagine our surprise when at the gathering after her funeral, we hear all the wonderful things she said about us.

All that time and emotion wasted. A connection never felt. Kind of like what you'd feel after reading this ethical will. For some it might be a warm and fuzzy feeling. But for me, the first reaction would be, well, WTF?

"At our age any work we can eliminate helps make life easier"

I hope I'm not supposed to wait until I'm in my 70's for this to be acceptable. When it comes to housework, I'll eliminate as much as I can. Much prefer the garden. My rule of thumb: If you can clean up for company enough that they don't think you're a complete slob and you can do it in less than 15 minutes, you're ok. Of course, you can always throw around a few dog-eared travel mags and leave a well-worn suitcase near the door so they'll think your life is so exciting you simply don't have time to wrestle the dust-bunnies...

There was an interesting question about cheating on nother site (I forget which one...)

I tend to be a black-or-white kind of person in many things, feeling that "grey areas" are often where the excuses and attempts to justify or assuage guilt are found. So I don't see where this kind of thing needs a lot of debate. The bottom line - will what you're contemplating hurt the relationship, or help it? Shaving that square peg "just a little bit" is still changing the shape and losing something in the process.

Cheating is, I suppose, whatever you and your partner determine it is. But the essence of cheating is in your own mind - intention is not always revealed by action. Are you honoring your partner and your relationship? Are those "intimate" conversations and "dancing around the edges" going to strengthen your relationship, or damage it? Do you feel the need to hide it from your partner? Would they be hurt if they knew? Are you being honest with yourself about your true intentions?

A simple dinner with an old friend could be only that, or it could be the first step in keeping someone else on the back burner "just in case". Some flirtatious behaviour can be harmless - but when the behaviour causes pain or discomfort to your partner, what is the purpose? You either honor your relationship, or you don't. Strengthen it, or damage it.

I recently encountered this issue with someone I worked with. She had made a commitment to a man who was currently overseas (military), so for the time being she had to be content with phone calls, emails and letters. Not easy, of course. But she ran into someone she dated a couple of years ago. And she was going out to a movie with him, just friends. Simple action. But was it? Would she tell this person about her commitment? Would she tell her commited other about the event? The fact that she hesitated on either answer revealed an intention she was not facing.

Be honest with yourself, or you're cheating both of you. You know when you are stepping on that line or you wouldn't be asking the question. You can whitewash your actions, but you know damn well what your intentions are, whether you want to face them or not.

Good lord, this thing has gotten f_ugly. In need of an overhaul, but so do so many other things...

His mother, Tamaqua borough Councilwoman Ann Simard, says Monte has nowhere else to practice.

Now, there seems to be an easy solution to this. I think the poor woman could alleviate the problem with her nerves by taking up a hobby. The tuba, maybe. Or pig calling. Do it early in the morning, before the stress sets in. Very early. Her neighbors will understand, won't they? Good for the goose, and all...

Coach Gary Barnett was concerned that not taking recruits to parties would put the school's football program at a competitive disadvantage.

Well, my goodness, we all know how important those keggers are to being able to play football.

Ok, if this was about recruiting and all that, who was doing the "recruiting"? Other players? Where the f'in h--- were the adults "hosting" this event? Selling tickets at the door?

Tug O' the heart

If that was a "mundane road traffic accident" then my daily commute must qualify as so damn boring it's near pathetic. I've seen, and been in, my share of accidents and not one of them involved a gaggle of photogs in hot pursuit. While the conspiracy seems a stretch, this accident was definitely not mundane.

A one-month old baby is barely aware of his own friggin' toes. He's not even aware that you exist separate and apart from himself. How the f--- could he be learning what to do about a crocodile?

Lord, I hope the kid has more brains than his father. And his mother, for that matter.

"It's normal for part of the population not to know who their biological father is ... Therefore one can't demand every child's right to know its biological parents."

This is normal? Not to know your heritage? Not to know your family's history? It's these stories that keep civilization alive. Our roots. Who are ancestors were. The lives they led. The talents they passed on. It's what keeps us connected to the past and gives us hope for the future.

Civilization is not recreated from scratch every day. It uses the lessons from history. It's the sense of pride I get reading the story of my Highland ancestor and the hardships he faced coming to this country in the 1600's. It's knowing that I come from hearty stock that helps me to keep going when things are tough. I can call on the strength and perseverance of my ancestors. It's an invisible connection, an invisible strength.

That's what these children will never have. And it leaves an important gap. Just how effectively could Mr. Schou run his company if he had no idea of its history?

"Oh, didn't you read your policy? You should have read your policy."

How about "you should have been able to understand your policy." I swear, insurance companies should be required to supply interpreters.

Ok, I love my pets, but employers offering pet benefits? A little over the top.

They are not your kids. You are not required to send them to school. You are not required to get them a babysitter if they are under a certain age. You do not have to take them to the doctor for required shots so they can go to school.

They are not going to grow up and discover a cure for AIDS. They will not become the next president. They will not be be growing up to lead society in any number of years.

They are a living thing, and deserve the respect that all living things do. But they don't deserve company benefits any more than your potted geranium does.

Having an interfaith organization as one of my clients, this rings familiar.

While reading thru my favorite blogs, I noticed that Melly is having some trouble with the diet. Here's one someone sent me a long time ago that I think her little guy can help her with:

DAY ONE:

Breakfast

One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch

Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner

A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel.

Bedtime Snack

Toast piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO:

Breakfast

Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch

Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of dog chow (any flavor).
One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack

Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner

A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour iced tea over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.

DAY THREE:

Breakfast

Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk: drink half, stuff pancakes in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair.

Lunch

Three matches, peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner

Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips.

FINAL DAY:

Breakfast

A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add a half-cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch

Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner

A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

WTF?

We're already overrun with them in areas where we've taken over their territory for our swanky homes. Now we're cloning them so we can hunt them down and slaughter them?

Top of the food chain, maybe. The "brain chain" is obviously a different story.

He thought that if you were admitted to the hospital as a patient, things like smoking would be off limits until you got better or finished your treatment.

Duh.

"It's going to change my whole life, because the expense (was) not factored into my retirement"

Boo hoo.

How about "factoring in" that you knew this child existed all along. How about "factoring in" that you COULD have set up a bank account for her that eventually could have been making enough interest to cover part of the obligation. How about "factoring in" that the responsiblity to support that child was as much YOUR responsiblity as it was her mother's responsibility. How about "factoring in" that her mother may not even HAVE a retirement account because she's been carrying your burden all these years. How about "factoring in" that YOU could have gone to court to take care of your responsiblity instead of trying to avoid it.

Your life was changed the day you whipped it out, buddy. It just took this long to finally make you come to terms with that.

Not to mention the fact that hiding an accuser's relevent past promotes the notion that only the chaste need apply and does little to change the attitudes that women have a right to engage in activities purely for pleasure.

It also does little to make women responsible for their actions. While we should be as free as men to walk down the street to our car after dark, we must also realize that going to a man's hotel room, especially under the influence of alcohol, may be sending a message ripe for misinterpretation. That the man be the only one responsible for the outcome is just wrong, and does little to promote personal responsibility.

It also will never make a clear distinction between consent and attack if women are still being portrayed as innocent, non-s--ual, people-pleasing beings. As long as women are afraid to say a resounding "yes" without fear of being negatively labeled, we will never be able to voice a definitive "NO."

“What someone reads doesn’t necessarily say anything about what they might do—there’s no link between interest and intent. "

Good lord. What kind of a profile would they do if they listed all the books I've checked out of the library in the past year? Certainly not one I'd consider accurate enough.

Happiness has a monetary value.

Ok. So let's assume you're a single mom raising your kids with little or no help from anyone. How do you factor that into the "how much additional salary people demand to assume additional risk" formula? Are we talking risk of the job, or risk of losing the job? Does "willingness to spend" include ability to spend? I might shell out $1,000.00 for an alarm if I had $1,000.00 to spend on an alarm rather than have pay the electric bill that would enable it to work.

How do you factor "lost happiness?" Do you includes statistics on the average divorce rate and realistically evaluate the number of times long-married couples are intimate when determining loss of consortium? If so, I'd think damages would be a lot lower.

Not one of us is guaranteed happiness. Not one of us is guaranteed that our world will stay a place that will give us joy every day for the rest of our lives.

The only thing we are sure of is that if jury awards for continue to rise to include "hedonic damages" good doctors will leave the profession when they can no longer afford malpractice coverage. Parents will no longer have to be diligent when watching their children since so many things that inattention allows to happen will be somebody else's fault. People will no longer be required to develop a little common sense.

Great. A world full of selfish, lazy, demanding, helpless idiots.

Yes, there are some situations where compensation for medical expenses is not enough. But let's stop going overboard. Sometimes you just have to play the hand you're dealt.

One for the history buffs.

It's not just an American phenomenon.

Whew. I'll admit, my parents are a big help. I get my car inspected for a Christmas present, heating oil for my birthday. Although not the most fun when it comes to opening presents, these gifts take a load off my mind. And as a single mom receiving little to no help from the dad, I'm grateful.

But I also do not take advantage of the situation. It really frosts me to see people taking from their parents for necessities like insurance and rent, then feeling entitled to go off on a vacation to the Caribbean. Who want the Bank of Mom and Dad to finance the groceries so they can have a little money to kick back at the bar with their friends. Who could actually make it on their own if they gave up the cable tv, unlimited calling plan cell phone, fashionably over-priced clothes. You don't need a gym membership. Clean your parent's house. There's your exercise.

Yes, the economy sucks. Being a single parent is hard, both emotionally and financially. There are things neither my parents nor I can control, like the costs of housing, insurance, and basic necessities. But there's a difference between necessities and luxuries.

Some "kids" need to learn that.

So now comes the debate on Bushy's success, now that Libya has "backed down." But have they?

I can tell you as the mother of a teenager, the strong-arm tactic may win the battle, but doesn't do much to win you the war. Bullying never generates respect. Bullying feeds fear. Bullying feeds revenge. And right now, I'd be a lot more concerned about someone who is willing to blow themselves up just to take you down than I would be about someone pressing the button on a nuclear device.

You may have gotten control of their WMD's, Georgie, but might not it be a hollow victory?

They are designing a car for affluent, independent women.

And brain dead?

Gull wing doors? Obviously these women don't have to load a kid into the car. Oh, that's right - the nanny does it.

Don't want to be bothered by maintenance? Yeah, that's for the affluent. I jump at the chance to spend 10 times the actual cost for a simple friggin' oil change. And I'm sure there are more than a few mechanics salivating at the thought that a car will now contact them to say ok, here's another opportunity gouge this idiot chick behind the wheel for repairs she doesn't really need.

An electronic emergency brake? If I got an emergency, buddy, I want something I can grab and hang on to. I'm not gonna be looking for a friggin' button somewhere.

No gas cap. A perfect hiding place for little Johnny's Tonka truck.

I can get behind the easy to clean and easy to park. Just make me a car that I can depend on. That reminds me when to change the oil, when to get gas, when my tires need to be checked. Where I can actually see to put the damn dipstick back in.

Make it heat up fast in the winter. Make windows I can open for fresh air without blowing my hair into my eyes. Easy to get roadside assistance from someone I can trust when it's late at night and I'm stuck on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Something I can load the groceries in and not break the eggs at the first traffic light. Go crazy at the garden center and not have to go crazy vacuuming out the back.

Forget making room for my damn ponytail. Give me a car that gets me where I want to go, stylin' and easy maintenance.

Yeah, that.

I came up with Intrinsic Warrior. Hmm.

Pet peeve of the day...

Websites with writing prompts that contain incorrect spellings.

Sheesh.

1. When you were in elementary school, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A teacher. Almost got there, too. Now I'm glad I switched majors. Don't think I'd have much fun dressing for work in full battle gear.

2. How old were you when you stopped growing?

Well, I haven't stopped growing yet. Upwards, certainly, but sideways is a constant battle. And mentally, well, I hope that never stops.

3. What do you think are the three most significant events to occur so far in your life? Have you ever written about them?

Going off to college is number one. Seeing the "Me" in the dorm room mirror, without the glasses. So vastly different from the Me that grew up in a small town and went to high school feeling oh so much less that those popular girls. Seeing for the first time that I actually was so much more attractive that most of them. I think back now what a waste those years were - the only thing that had held me back was me.

The birth of my child. The battles with cancer.

I have only started writing about them. Going down deep and writing out the pain is hard, but cathartic.

4. What weird food combination do you really like?

Don't do much in the way of food combos. There's the chocolate milk and soda thing, but I don't consider it weird. No. It is not. Come on. Have you tried it?

5. In our Tuesday chat with Steve Simpson (Macfisto), author of our current Absolute Blank article, we discussed the differences between writing longhand and writing on the computer. Do you write your first drafts longhand or on the computer? Why?

I alternate. Just can't write fast enough longhand, but I am addicted to the feel of a good pen on quality paper. Wish I had that Catholic school penmanship, tho.


Questions from Toasted Cheese

They say what's missing is a real-world incentive to convince companies to move beyond arguing that software can never be perfect. We don't need it to be perfect, they say, we need it to be safe.


Ah, yes. Another round of lawsuits. But really, in what other industry is it so acceptable to put out a sloppy and incomplete products with no repercussions?

Many years ago I sat in a bland, sterile hospital room while various chemicals coursed thru my veins on their mission to destroy any and all cells in a propagating frenzy to take over the nice, clean, helpful cells in my body. Old magazines and TV re-runs were the only comfort. Nurses and an occasional doctor provided minor distractions.

And there was that smell. Sometime prior to my appointment the room was always cleaned with some kind of faux lemon cleanser, leaving a lingering odor. Sickeningly sweet, not quite the true odor of lemon drops or made-from-scratch lemon meringue pie.

Sights, sounds, and smells stay with most chemo patients long after treatments have stopped, bringing back memories of the haunting taste and queasy feelings the drugs gift you with. I once heard a story about a patient who ran into her doctor on the street many years after her treatments had stopped - and promptly threw up. Such is the power of memories.

It's been a dozen years since I was on the front line of that battle between the good and bad cells. Most of the smell-based memories are long gone, but occasionally I'll get a whiff of a faint, fake, lemony aroma and give an involuntary cringe. And I'm again thankful for that kind soul who warned me not to eat, wear, or use any of my favorite things for comfort during the cell-wars, or they would no longer offer the comfort desparately needed at that time.

I can now enjoy a home-made lemon meringue pie but still can't stand the smell of cheap lemon-scented cleansers. My doctor unfortunately succumbed to the ravages on his heart from his own cell-wars, so those memories, although bitter-sweet, only bring feelings of immense gratitude.

Bless you, Dr. Sig. You saved my life.

Thanks for not using anything chocolate.

Sitting here listening to the news and jumping the blogs, I came upon this gem. "When a society tries to codify non-offensiveness or enforce some mutable standard of taste, we all end up living in a room devoid of furniture but full of eggshells. "

I think I like this one.

"We got 'em."

Forget the interrogations, forget the trial.

Just put him in a room with all those women oppressed and abused, whose lives were forever changed by his rule. Five minutes. Just five minutes.

Priceless.

I recently made a change to a cd at a local bank that's undergone several changes since the cd was first opened, with degenerating effects each time.

An appointment that was supposed to take only an hour took an hour before I was even called to the desk to start the process. [Comfort #1] For which I got a (whoopie!) $10 AE thingie. The delay, actually, turned out to be a good thing, as it gave me the opportunity to see the appointment before mine try to get into their safety deposit box only to have the person handling that process be completely unable to find any record of them having one. [Comfort #2]

When my turn finally came, it seems the forms for all the necessary documentation were not complete. Ok, so running out of forms has happened to me - on a busy day it's hard to keep track, so I'll give 'em that one.

A phone call ensued, with a lot of "no, not that form" on the end I was privy to hear. A fax came. The wrong form. [Comfort #3]

The transaction was finally completed, and I went on my way. That little voice in my head was faint, but there. Should I have just closed the account and moved to the friendlier bank I have more trust in?

Then comes Comfort #4. I recently received a mailing to check on my address. Seems they've been sending my statements to the wrong town and have sent this mailing to both addresses so they can figure out which is the correct one for me.

Note my beginning paragraph. A local bank. We're located in the same town.

Sheesh. Obviously, I'm moving my account.

"A strange man wearing a disguise who asks small children to sit in his lap. You make the call."

The game ... depicts horror, cruelty, crime and violence in such a manner that its availability was likely to hurt the public good. "

Now, while I am for free speech and all, there comes a time when we need to accept that the greater good must take precedent. Like yelling "fire" in a crowded theatre. With more and more video-obsessed kids prone to violence and less in touch with reality, it's time to face the fact that this "whatever floats your boat" attitude may be sinking the future generation.

Geez. With all the resources at hand and pulling in a few favors, don't you think they could have designed a more attractive website?

A drunk driver received a reduced manslaughter sentence after he paid $100,000 to the victim's family," prompting criticism that he was buying more lenient treatment"

While I agree with the sentiment that "if you have money you can get your sentence lowered", simply throwing a drunk driver in jail does little to help the victims and their families. Isn't that more what a sentence should be about? Simply putting someone in jail does nothing to help with alcoholism, and even less to put a face on the crime. If more drunk drivers had to deal with the consequences of their driving while intoxicated, couldn't that do more to make them face up to the fact that they have a problem?

I'd rather see sentences that have a set amount of jail time (no matter what the consequences of the drunk driving) and incrementally add punishments like restitution to the victim in long term payments (as a regular reminder of the crime) and additionally, punishments that bring in the human element - helping with therapy, or taking over some of the duties the victim can no longer do. Or some volunteer work on a regular and continuing basis.

No more commit the crime, do a little time, go on about your business like everything's fine.

Time to put the brakes on that little ditty...

"That's what it said on the form he brought home in his backpack."

A school form that Marcus McLaurin brought home last month said his use of the word was the reason for his punishment.

The boy is 7. S-e-v-e-n.

He said his Mom was gay. Which she is.

Marcus' feeling about what he should have done? "cep my mouf shut."

Seems the teacher should be spending a little time in detention. How about writing a 1,000 word essay about getting your facts straight? Not to mention tolerance? Sensitivity, maybe?

And I can think of quite a few community service projects the school board can spend some time in. A literacy project, maybe?

Keiko Dies at 27: "Keiko the killer whale, star of the 'Free Willy' movies, has died at 27 of pneumonia in a Norwegian fjord, ending campaigners' hopes of returning the people-loving mammal to life in the wild."

"The researchers found that, on a per-serving basis, the antioxidant concentration in cocoa was...two to three times stronger than in green tea..."

Woohoo! Don't get me wrong - I like green tea, but it just doesn't hit the comfort level of a steaming cup of cocoa.

"'We must come to the stark realization that a major Achilles heel is our computer networks."

Duh.

When you have a company that has done everything (legal or questionably so) to make sure that you use their software and only their software for your business; when that same company has to issue patch after patch because the software is so buggy it's a constant hazard; when that same company continuously puts out new versions of this buggy software at astronomical prices (compared to quality) and FORCES users to upgrade when they refuse to support prior versions of said continuously buggy software, when they have been permitted to indulge in this behaviour...

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?!

There's an interesting survey on Philly.com about holiday cards. Should they show the kids only, show parents and kids, or be banned. Personally, I prefer the latter, given the state of "families" these days.

Just what is the proper etiquette for the modern family? Do you schedule a sitting and just get it all over with at once? Or do you book the whole week?

What combination of parties is appropriate? Biological parents? Custodial parents? Step-parents?

Are half-siblings included?

Do the kids need to wear a different outfit for each portrait? Who pays for the clothes? Can you recycle the shoes?

How many copies do the relatives get? How many are they expected to display? Do they recycle them according to who comes to dinner?

It's too damn complicated for me. Stick a Santa hat on the dog and be done with it.

"She wears flowered pants and her hair in pigtails, and when you put a football in her hands, she can throw a perfect spiral. "

They can't even f__in' make safe chalk?! How difficult is that?

1. If you were a member of a Mars colonization team, what item would you be sure to bring with you? Why?

PDA. So I could remember the names of everyone else on the team and why they are there. My memory’s worth squat.

2. What brand of toothpaste do you use?

If it’s on sale, it’s a name brand, it whitens and prevents plaque, it’s in my cabinet.

3. What book is guaranteed to make you cry no matter how many times you read it?

Can’t say I’ve found one yet. Plenty of movies, but no books. Of course, there’s that memory problem and all.

4. Have you ever witnessed a natural disaster (fire, flood, hurricane, tornado, etc.)?

No. And I appreciate the fortunate consideration. Just some minor flooding, and some people in the kitchen.

5. In his Absolute Blank article this month, Stephen Simpson (Macfisto) writes, "It’s a good idea to enlist supporters before starting your novel marathon. Have somebody waiting at the ten-mile mark to read your first few chapters. After that, ask them to drive down to the finish line and wait for your first draft." Who are your writing supporters?

I can think of several people I’d enlist. Just can’t remember their names.


Toasted Cheese

"Parents want to cover a lot of ground and keep children from getting tired at a big event. "

Bull. They're either too damn lazy to keep an eye on the little darlings or they can't find a sitter that can tolerate them.

The parents, I mean.

Children are difficult. They are voracious sponges of "I wanna know" gathering all the sights and sounds they can process at lightening speed. It's a good thing. But it takes a lot of energy to cope with that. And when your primary focus is on impressing other parents with what a good parent you are, how you give your little darlings the very best of everything because you're, well, so financially successful and all, you are creating a child with more problems than just obesity.

For state's doctors, tidings of gloom: "People get sick. They need doctors. In a state with 16 percent of its population over 65, far higher than most states and the national average, doctors need to stay in practice."

BB Gun Shooters Get Unusual Sentence: "Two boys who fired B-B's at a group of children and a teen in a wheelchair have been sentenced to spend two days sitting in a wheelchair at a mall. "

DUI Suspect Sentenced to Give Speeches: "A man responsible for the death of his friend in a drunken driving accident will avoid prison time by giving speeches to teens for the next 15 years. "

Now that is some creative sentencing. And they get more than the "Dummy's Guide to Being a Better Criminal."

"Selina lives and works... a 13 to 14 hour daily shift. During the busy season, she works a gruelling nineteen-and-a-half hour shift every other day. She and her colleagues sleep on the floor. They work seven days a week. She gets paid seven cents an hour. Selina has had just two days off in the last four months. She works sewing... for the largest company in the world....Selina is 13 years old."

Crissy Field Tidal Marsh

What just a little effort can do. What a handful of bureaucrats sitting around with their thumbs up the asses fail to do. Now some joker will come along and deliberately fall in the trench and get "injured" thinking it's an easy way to make a million. And we'll reward them instead of saying "don't be an idiot, watch where you're going, fool!" Which is why a bunch of bureaucrats have to sit around with their thumbs up their asses instead of just getting out and taking care of the problem.

Work together, people. Amazing things can happen.

LunaNina.com | Unconscious Mutterings:

1. Scrooge:: Dickens
   
2. Ribbon:: candy
   
3. Physical:: labor
   
4. Income:: deficit
   
5. Dream:: state
   
6. Notebook:: journal
   
7. Disney:: magic
   
8. Combo:: plate
   
9. Booty:: call
   
10. Skin::conditioner
    

"He exposed more than 1,200 people, including politicians and entertainers, who lied about or exaggerated their claims of serving in the Vietnam War"

Shocking. And how unexpected. Being the most honorable professions and all.

"...the priority ought to be creating small schools and training teachers. If so many of our children are starving academically, doesn't it make more sense to put our money first into feeding them, then into weighing them?"

Excellent statement!

(Found via Number 2 Pencil)

"'I've had parents fuss about a student having an hour-and-a-half detention,' he said. 'It's not popular for there to be real consequences anymore.' "

Well, of course! We're down to a tight schedule! Ballet lessons, soccer practice, karate, and piano! Groceries, dry-cleaning, manicures and haircuts! Everything is timed down to the milli-second. You want to throw that into complete disarray for a little character-building and consequences!?!

I do not have time to have my entire schedule thrown off so that you can teach my little darling some ridiculous things like respect, compassion, and personal responsibility.

Honestly, can't you see that I'm creating a future business leader here, and possibly a president?

Right.....

"Two decades later, countless companies and individuals are still paying for that mistake. "

Ya gotta luv the news.

One headline says:

"Roy Disney Forced Off Board, Wants Eisner Out "

The other:

"Roy Disney resigns, urges Eisner to follow suit"

Uh, yeah. Same thing.

And yet, as mentioned in a previous post, we have companies using resources to make turkey flavored refreshments.

Ahhhh, priorities...

Survival?

I must admit I was intrigued by the first show. But each show after that has left me with a nagging feeling that, like most of these "reality" shows, they got it all backwards.

If these wilderness survival scenarios had a ring of truth to them, wouldn't the point be to keep the people? The more that survive, the better the chance for long-term survival. Wouldn't continually narrowing the field down to only one mean you wouldn't survive? Tribe against tribe or man against the elements, the idea should be to have as many left standing as possible, not to turn on each other and knock your tribal mates off.

If they want to use that definition of survival, put it in a corporate environment.

Woman Knocked Unconscious While Shopping

And for $29, the damn thing will probably only last about as many days.

My parents always taught me not to buy cheap. Don't go for the most expensive, either, but realize that if you buy cheap, you get cheap. And when it breaks and you have to replace it, you end up paying more in the long run. That lesson has served me well, as I have a multitude of objects that are still in use and working fine (tvs, vcr, computers, appliances...)

They also taught me that shopping on Black Friday is just plain nuts.

L.A. Official: Computer Labels Offensive : "LOS ANGELES - A county official has asked computer and video equipment vendors to consider eliminating the terms 'master' and 'slave' from equipment because they may be considered offensive. "

Well, I never...

I had no input into the designation of "official" nor for the qualifications thereof, so I am offended by the use of this designation for said person. As there are neither vending machines nor foot travel involved here, thus "vendor" is a wholly inappropriate term. Eliminating implies freeing oneself from, thus implying captivity or bondage, thus, again, a wholly inappropriate and denigrating term. Equipment, being defined as "something with which a person, an organization, or a thing is equipped" and as "equipped" is determined to be supplying "with necessities such as tools or provisions" and as there is no determination as to the degree of necessity or who is qualified to make this kind of a judgment, I also find this term offensive. And angels are everywhere. What right does this place have to lay claim to them?

"Primary!" "Secondary!" How offensive to pit one's capabilities against another!

Some people have too much time on their hands. Oh, right. Government employee.

Whoops.

"Greater opportunity for women is probably the most significant gain for human freedom in the last century. But with this gain has come a somewhat unexpected problem: How do we restore a sense of masculinity that is vaguely civilized?"

Why should gain on one side result in loss on the other? It's not a seesaw, dammit.

None? There is a difference between religion and spirituality. Too many are brought up to feel that they must adhere to the specific "rules and regs" of a particular religion.

I am fortunate to have found an interfaith community, where I am free to use Buddhist prayer beads without declaring myself a Buddhist, recite prayers without declring myself either Catholic or Protestant, perform rituals without declaring myself Pagan.

Regardless of what the Bible says, it is still the "word of God" as interpreted by man.

I once saw a very amusing example of this. A simple sentence, like "I didn't tell everyone you were an idiot" with the emphasis placed on different words creating different interpretations.

"I didn't tell everyone you were an idiot." (Someone else did.)
"I didn't tell everyone you were an idiot." (But I should.)
"I didn't tell everyone you were an idiot." (They reached that conclusion entirely on their own.)

You get the idea.

So, thru various storytellers, interpretations, and translations, who really knows what the "word of God" was? What was mis-interpreted? What was twisted around? Ecclesiastical Whisper Down The Lane...

"Woman Leads Fight Against Nigerian Fraudsters "

Well, there's a .000000002% drop in my spam...

"The women, he said, simply knocked on the door of his hotel room, entered and had sex with him. He said he did not know if they were prostitutes because they never asked for money and he did not pay them. "

So, another one inherited the dips--t gene.

1. What is your favorite room in your house/apartment and why?

The sunporch. Warm, breezy, with a view of the gardens. Protected from the unpredictableness of the weather, it's where I meditate, write, read, or just muse.

2. Have you ever read a book you hated, but had to keep reading anyway? What book was it?

Just about every high school textbook encountered.

3. What's the best way to eat a cupcake?

Icing last. And lots of it. So sweet it makes your teeth hurt and you swear you'll never eat another one. Which you do about 20 minutes later.

4. What detail do you remember best in the last book you read?

"Creativity and imagination are not frosting on a cake: They are integral to our sustainability. They are survival mechanisms. They are of the essence of who we are. They constitute our deepest empowerment." Matthew Fox, in Creativity, Where the Divine and the Human Meet.

5. In his Absolute Blank article this month, Stephen Simpson (Macfisto) compares writing a first novel to running a marathon. What sport would you compare your writing process to?

Swimming - in uncured concrete

Questions from Toasted Cheese.

"Cinnamon spice produces healthier blood "

Yum. And just in time for pumpkin pie.

Short shrift: "Life is a disability. After all, at some point, at some time, somewhere, everyone is going to feel at a disadvantage for not being smart enough or strong enough or beautiful enough or even short enough. The point is to deal, not consider better living through chemistry."

Philadelphia Inquirer | 11/25/2003 | John Grogan | The dos and don'ts of using duct tape: "Ever since the Great Duct Tape Scare of last February, an alarming number of parents seem to think duct tape is the greatest child-rearing invention since disposable diapers."

Are parents getting lazy, or are they just plain stupid? Want something cute and adorable with your eye color and hair? Bring back the Cabbage Patch dolls. Tape 'em up all you want. Leave 'em in a hot car. Lock 'em in the basement. But if you don't have the time and energy it takes to be a parent, I suggest you duct tape something else...

Philly.com - "The Region's Home Page": "'To be honest, we really didn't think so many people would want it.'"

So why the f--- did you make it? Honestly, companies can't make prescription drugs unless there's enough of a market for them (regardless of the cost of human suffering and the quality of life of those with rare illnesses) while other companies waste resources on things like this just for a bit of entertainment on ebay.

I'M RIDING IN MY CAR

1. The first car I ever drove was a...

Ford Maverick. The color was Hula-blue. Such a clever play-on-words. (If anyone understands that, it will seriously date me.) I was rather intrigued by the clever commercialism of it.

2. My dream car is...

One I haven't found yet. A small but roomy, little care creation. That can slough off dirt like the coat of an Eskimon Spitz. Sleek, elegant lines on a sturdy, rugged frame. Not the stuff of glitzy commercials, but a jump-in-and-drive-rugged creation with an understated air of elegance. Like an evening gown with cowboy boots.

3. Can you drive a vehicle with a stick shift? If yes, how long did it take you to learn?

Yes. The learning curve was short and pertrifying. The bonding of car and driver was always easy for me. I fleetingly considered the life of a racecar driver, but could not reconcile with the purposelessness of the trip.

4. What is the fastest you have ever driven?

Some insane speed on the turnpike. Keeping up with the rest of the traffic until I considered the possibility of what any one of the idiots around me could do.

5. How many people you have crammed into a vehicle at one time?

8 or 9, in a Volkswagon Beetle. For a 3 hour drive. Absolutely nuts, especially considering the company.

"With fame often comes unwanted attention."

Mischief and Muscle Cramps on the Road to Enlightment.

I envy those people who wake up one morning and "find God". Those lucky enough to be hitching a ride on the right highway at the right time.

I, on the other hand, seem to be reading the map upside down.

I blame it on my parents, who never sent me to Sunday School. I remember one brief stint at a Vacation Bible School, those repositories of summer ebuliation designed more to save a mother's sanity than a youthful soul. There was also a smattering of Sunday Services. My religious foundation is built on solid sand. I know the words to only the most well-known of Bible verses, but not where they can be found. I still need the songbook to get thru a chorus of "Onward, Christian Soldiers". I lip-synch the Lord's Prayer like the soundtrack to a foreign movie.

I've carried on this legacy, I'm ashamed to say. I never taught my daughter "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep". Who wrote that? The mere thought of her dying before she wakes gives me the willies. Surely reciting that little ditty on a daily basis would now qualify as child abuse. What was that person thinking? We do have a book of Children's Bible Stories. We use it to prop up the broken bureau leg.

So, being a bit of a stranger in a strange spiritual landscape with a still supple soul in my care, I decide to remedy the situation. I decide to start by learning to meditate. Something that requires no more of me than to sit still and empty my mind. Now there's an easy task.

Hah.

I stumble at the first step - where do I attempt this? I need a quiet, relaxing place. In a house with one dog, two cats, and one child. The birth of whom has gifted me with Post-partum Sensory Acuity and Maternus Sixth Sensious. I can tell someone's drinking from the milk carton three rooms away. Surely, you jest.

And what time of day? Early morning? Evening?

I chose the end of the day, when all creatures legged two and four are winding down. Of course, it takes a little longer for my day to actually end, but all is quiet by that time. Relax, find a comfortable position, clear the mind...

Extricating myself from that position is a real treat when the morning alarm goes off.

But I try again. Ben-Gay, the body's ability to heal, and the mind's propensity to forget. Morning, this time. My waking triggers the feline chorus. Get the cats fed. The dog out for a constitutional. Maybe I better wait until after the morning routine, when things settle down? Get child up. Make breakfast. Get child up. Pack lunch. Get child up. Let dog out again. Threaten to send child to school in pajamas. Send out the door to the bus stop without a minute to spare. Clean the kitchen. Check the day's schedule.

By the time I find the quiet, I am ready for a nap.

The sunroom is a calm and beautiful place to begin, and the old wooden rocker means I'll have both feet on the floor. I close my eyes.

How do I make my mind a blank slate? It's crowded with to-do lists, grocery lists, chore lists, appointments, school projects. I need a really big eraser. So, ok, try a chant.

Ooohhmmm....is that the cardinal chirping? Did I fill the bird-feeder?

Ooohhmmm....the hum of traffic. When did I last check the tires? Am I overdue for an oil change? Do I need to get gas before my meeting today?

Ooohhmmm...the cat scratches at the back door.

Ooohhmmm...the Indy 500 professional lawn-mower race starts up next door.

Ooohhmmm...did I mail the electric bill that's due? Or was it the phone?

Ooohhmmm...my nose itches. If I scratch it, is it cheating?

Ooohhmmm...speaking of the phone...

My inner spirit has obviously been captured by my inner child and is playing hide-and-seek.

Maybe I'll try yoga. I've already got the Ben-Gay.

Like the bad fairy's christening gift, a woman's right to choose has somehow come to mean a woman's duty to do the decent thing and take herself off for a quick scrape if that is what the owner of the other half of the embryonic DNA wants.

Kimberly's back, on the eastern shore this time.

I've been reading her blog since I started blogging. This blogging "community" is an unusual sort of place, to say the least. To feel an affinity for someone, to care about their life, worry when they are having problems, feel joy when something wonderful happens. And all about a person who you could walk past on the street and not recognize at all. It's almost like a relationship you might establish with a fictional character, except these people (well, most of them) are very real.

How odd.

Not too long ago, people lived so far apart and communication was so primitive that it was difficult to know even your closest neighbor. Now, you can know so many details about someone who could live only a couple of miles away, who you might see at the local grocer's, or library, or park, and no realize it's them.

Is this a separation of body and soul? To feel like you know someone, put them on your "buddy" list, never having seen them? If you stood next to them in line for a movie, would you be able to tell? Would something "click"? Would there be a sense of deja vu?

I wonder...

Ah, ha!

I like my coffee. I have little time left for vices (or little opportunity), so drinking coffee is about the only one I can regularly indulge.

Of course, now I can say it's no longer a vice, it's a health regimen. So there.

In the year I was born:

Kinsey published Sexual Behavior in the Human Female.
Lung cancer was linked to cigarette smoking.
The Soviet Union detonated its first hydrogen bomb.
Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were executed.
The structure of DNA was determined.
The first major motion picture was filmed in wide-screen CinemaScope.
The first issue of TV Guide was published.

There's an interesting question over at Hormonal Bitch about cheating.

I tend to be a black-or-white kind of person in many things, feeling that "grey areas" are often where the excuses and attempts to justify or assuage guilt are found. So I don't see where this kind of thing needs a lot of debate. The bottom line - will what you're contemplating hurt the relationship or help it? Shaving that square peg "just a little bit", or stretching that round hole "just a little bit" is still changing the shape and losing something in the process.

Cheating is, I suppose, whatever you and your partner determine it is. But the essence of cheating is in your own mind - intention is not always revealed by action. Are you honoring your partner and your relationship? Are those "intimate" conversations and "dancing around the edges" going to strengthen your relationship, or damage it? Do you feel the need to hide it from your partner? Would they be hurt if they knew? Are you being honest with yourself about your true intentions?

A simple dinner with an old friend could be only that, or it could be the first step in keeping someone else on the back burner "just in case". Some flirtatious behaviour can be harmless - but when the behaviour causes pain or discomfort to your partner, what is the purpose? You either honor your relationship, or you don't. You are either working to improve your relationship or you're not. "But" is a grey area.

I recently had this issue with someone I work with. She recently made a commitment to a man who is currently overseas (military), so for the time being she has to be content with phone calls, emails and letters. Then she ran into someone she dated a couple of years ago. And she is going out to a movie with him, just friends. Simple action. Or is it? Will she tell this person about her commitment? Will she tell her commited other about the event? The fact that she hesitates on either answer reveals an intention she is not facing.

Be honest with yourself, or you're cheating both of you. Be truthful about what you need and want. Be realistic about what you can give. You know when you're stepping on that line or you wouldn't be asking the question. You can whitewash your actions, but you know damn well what your intentions are, whether you're willing to face them or not.

My town puts on a week long celebration during the week of the 4th of July. There's a parade on the 4th, and a carnival every evening that week and all day on the 4th. Fireworks and bands, carnies and crafts, it's a nice time to get out and see some of the people who share this town. Since I'm involved with the local business association, I also work a booth and get a chance to connect with other business people and townspeople "out of their element", so to speak - strolling the midway with their families and riding the merry-go-round with the kids.

You also get to witness the parade of local teens in various stages of dress (or lack of, in too many cases.) The most striking thing is realizing that for years, the comfort level of costume for boys has always been high - baggy pants, shirtless in the heat, comfortable shoes. But for girls? Tight, just this side of revealing too much, strappy shoes, tettering high heels. Pinching here, riding up there. Walking the midway is like strutting the catwalk for future porn queens.

I've informed my daughter that if I ever catch her dressing like that, I'll kill 'er.